Ready to change? This is what I will offer you, consistently and with tenacity, to facilitate change as you so choose.
I hold the stance of offering a calm presence and clear thinking. Which isn’t really a stance at all, in the psychological jargon sense, but rather a stance in the physiological sense: the alert, regulated calmness of an engaged athlete who is observing the field and plugged in, ready to respond as the game calls for. Or the stance that is the physicality of a steady hand stretched out when your feet wobble over a loose stone — it’s something to grab on to physiologically, so that you can, via your willing participation, steady your own self. And on any given day when that’s not the choice you make (how often is that the case for us human beings, right?), you’ll get to feel what it’s like to bounce off the steadiness, and be invited to go for it again.
No matter what comes up, no matter what you bring in, whether it’s crisis-overload or lack of motivation or issues with the in-laws, I am committed to my best effort to continue pointing out the footholds that I see, asking questions for you to consider, and inviting you to pull your self up and begin to work.
Hopelessness is an emotional overwhelm of the individual and the family system. It is not a fact. And so I will always question it. Hopelessness is a thing to be dealt with head on, with clarity and steadfastness. There are always options. And my use of the word “always” has nothing to do with an exaggerated emotionality about things, nor a declaration of how things “should be”. I actually do think that if one zooms out far enough, there literally are always options. In my work with human beings, I have not found a dead end yet.
That’s my stance. Forward movement, to say it one way, depends on your free choice to consider the ideas I offer, then to practice whatever new thing makes sense to you, and your willingness to tolerate the discomfort as you do so.
Regarding this free choice and what you think about it (and do with it), I do believe that while no one can take it from you, it also would be quite entitled for someone to try to do so. What an awful thing to do to another human being - try to “get you” to change, or to tell you what you “should” do. Because your free will is something inherently yours, and I don’t think it matters how long you need before you’re ready to make a new choice. For some people it takes a long time, and that’s none of my business. Sometimes people are just dealing with a lot, and they’ve gotta turn it over for quite a while before they’re ready to start engaging, start changing. And I think that’s quite fine. I’ll keep consistently offering my stance, showing you the foot holds that I see, and observing what you do with it.
At the same time, I won’t waste your time, nor mine.
The unknown variable is what will you choose? And when will you choose it? I can’t wait to find out.
After all, waiting and stillness are natural parts of growth. The abundant new life of spring does not come without the hibernating quiet phase of winter. This stance I take is one way to facilitate those natural processes, facilitate the waking up of the life force for growth that is buried in all of us — the spontaneous choice to begin to bloom, or rather, to participate in the blooming that is already inside of you.
Peace to you in this season of newness.
Rachel Gardner, LPC #73980
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